Disobedient to Parents

DISOBEDIENT TO PARENTS

Today I hope to explore one aspect of the larger question of child-rearing. The Scripture has very clear direction for those who have surrendered to the God of the Bible and desire to follow His wisdom rather than the “wisdom” of the world.

When we consider what God wants from us we find that obedience is of major importance. The Holy Spirit, writing through Paul the apostle, says “through whom we have received grace and apostleship to bring about the obedience of faith...” ( Romans 1:5 ESV) He concludes this long letter with the same phrase “according to the command of the eternal God, to bring about the obedience of faith...” ( Romans 16:26)

Jesus speaks very clearly on the same theme of obedience. Three times in John 14 alone (vv. 15,21,23) He equates love with obedience. “If you love me you will keep my commands.” ( John 14:15 ESV) Luke 6:46 asks “Why do you call me Lord, Lord and not do what I say?” 1 John 2:5 says “whoever keeps his word, in him truly the love of God is perfected.” The greatest commandment is to love the Lord your God...” ( Mark 12:30) 1 John 5:3 states “For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome.” ( ESV)

If this is what God desires for those who believe in Him, would He not want the same for children? We find that He does. Ephesians 6:1ff says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother (this is the first commandment with a promise) that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land,” echoing the fifth of the ten commandments.(ESV) Colossians 3:20 says, “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.” (ESV)

In studying a different subject I had occasion recently to look over the various lists of grievous sins found in the New Testament. In several of these it is striking to find that along with sins such as murder and hatred of God we find the phrase “disobedient to parents. ( Cf. Romans 1:29-32) The following verse applies just as much to disobedient children as to murderers or slanderers or inventors of evil. “Though they know God's righteous decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them.” (Romans 1:32 ESV).

2 Timothy 3:1-8 offers a chilling prediction of the last days before the return of the Lord Jesus. Among the evil of people who are “proud, arrogant, abusive, ungrateful, unholy, brutal, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God,” is the phrase “disobedient to parents.” (v. 2)

So if disobedience to parents is disobedience to God, and we have the desire and opportunity to teach our children to obey us so they can obey and please God, what methods should we employ? Should we bribe or cajole? Should we reason or attempt to persuade? Perhaps some of the latter as the children get older. But the Word of God prescribes a very clear form of discipline and particularly in the case of defiance or disobedience.

“Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.” (Proverbs 13:24 ESV)

“Discipline your son. For there is hope; do not set your heart on putting him to death.” (Prov. 19:18)

“The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.” (Prov. 29:15)

“Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.” (Prov. 29:17)

“Do not withhold correction from a child, for if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. You shall beat him with a rod, and deliver his soul from hell.” ( Prov. 23:13-14 NKJV)

Perhaps the refusal of “Christian” parents to follow God's wisdom is part of the reason why so many children that grow up in “Christian” homes do not follow the faith of their parents. If we truly believe that we express our love to God through obedience to Him, then we shall make every effort to teach our children to do the same.

*Note: It is beyond the scope of this post to look at the balance between affection and discipline or the scenarios in which corporal discipline could be used or other principles relating to that theme.